What Death Does

 For what is grief, if not love persevering.

I lost someone in May. We weren't close but occasionally, I'd find myself being hard on myself for not being a good enough person. I always thought of death and dying. I always said I wanted to die in my sleep and wouldn't mind dying now. But this time, I had more things to think about. Like how, I really and truly wanted to die. How I'd die if it meant I wouldn't lose anyone because it felt like there wasn't much to life.

But, here's what grief does. It changes a person. Sometimes, people changed for the better like in Vinland Saga when the Prince's assistant was killed and in a moment, he earned the title "Denka". In other words, death sculpts us.

I guess there is no way one can catch a glimpse of death, even from a distance, and still stay the same.

Daughters Who Walk This Path

Other times, it makes a complete mess of us. Like in January. After my friend's mum died, That death hit me in many ways. Tears, the chest pains, the body aches, the head aches and everything. It was all fireworks but it wasn't for love. It still hurts a lot and sometimes I just can't stand the pain or seeing her in that state. It knocks the words but unleashes the tears. The memory just hits and all I want is something that I can never have. 

Grief never ends but it loses its rawness.

The Middle Daughter

So in May, when he died, I wanted to pause living for a moment. I wanted time to pause for me to catch up. I wanted time to hold on for me to catch my breath cause I had been kicked in my belly and I needed to breathe. I needed time to stop. But, it didn't.

So, I did what I knew best. I tried writing but finding a topic was so difficult. And after reading of giving people their flowers, I decided to give some writers their flowers. Writers are my superheroes (Doctors too). And they deserve flowers every day. 

So, what made me do this? Death. Death made me do this. 

Abass Wonder this is for you!